2010 -bye !

A note of thanks for a all the special people who've loved me....made me feel special ... changed me (for the good) ....and who stood by me .. believed in me ..

1. Mom and Dad . thanks for all that you did ...and you will do ...this year a lot of things happened and i realized how much u both mean to me ...how much i mean to you ... and thanks for always believing in me ..for understanding for standing by my side .

2. my ex-boyfriend and the friend i found in you .thanks for being there and for all the beautiful moments we shared. ! p.s i still love you . (even more)

3. A friend who is more than friend -a sister..who is always there for me... understood me when no one did and always loved me thanks for bearing me all through these 14 years .. i hope we'll always remain best of friends.

4. A friend who is there for me even in the darkest hour ...who listen to all the stupid things i say when i am drunk ...some one i can call at 4 am just like that . some one who was there when i was in a big trouble ... the one with whom i got my tattoo done..some with whom i smoked hookah for the first time..with whom i hangout most of the time ..thank you - everything u do is acknowledged !

5. A friend ....who sneaks me beer cans though he doesn't even touch alcohol .... who solves most of my problems ...and some one who really believes in me and trusts me and would never give up on me- thanks a lot !

6. All my blogger friends ... who read my posts and comment .... you always encourage me . thank you all for your love and support.

7. My new found college friends ... thanks for being my friend ... and let me tell you , you have beard me at my worst when for what ever reasons i was not the person i am ..when i was upset for reasons you don't even have an idea of- thank you

8. Vodafone 89 message pack ..... you help me overcome my sadness and loneliness...thanks for the unlimited texting and ruining my studies .

9. Shakespeare .. who recently got associated with my blog (ARIEL - the kind spirit in one of his plays , The tempest to be precise)

10.MOTOROLA v3i my first phone ...for storing all those beautiful memories .... for being there with me in my loneliest hours ... when all i had was you and the beautiful songs i stored in you !

thanks for being the best companion !

11. All the people who've hated me ,belittled me, criticized me ...thank you for letting me know the kind of person i don't want to be .. !

LAST but not the least SAI BABA ... thanks for all the strength ..this was one hell of a year . thanks helping me cope up with the stress .

Through the broken panes she tries to see

she has reasons

and knows what it means to be free

for her thats the only way to be

dreams lead her life

some reality too

her brain and heart torn by a strife

to strike a balance for her is a drive

sometimes she thinks she should let go

but then she asks why ?

its her choice not to go with the flow

not her business to think if it gives people a blow !

numbness i feel.

may be I've been out in the cold for a long time

searching for the light , which could provide me with warmth

Now the search has ended , for now i have lost the ability to feel.

and yes i can see . its still cold .

Before i turn 18

before i turn 18

A note of Apology...

From the past few days I’ve been thinking ……about a lot of things...and a lot of people and I realized that I have been rude , bad ,sarcastic and I hurt a lot people sometimes intentionally some times unintentionally …..

I sincerely would like to apologize to all the people whom I have hurt….intentionally / unintentionally especially the one’s I love or I loved..Or I don’t love …..

I never wanted to …but sometimes am not able to handle certain situations and I can be a little troublesome….

I hope at least some of them read this and should know that I realize – that I have made some mistakes ..i have hurt a lot people and I have been a real bad girl (not all the time though !)

I know those words can’t be taken back or those deeds can’t be undone but yes I can be forgiven for now I realize my mistakes…..

So this was the best time to say that am Sorry and also - that yes i truly care ! ... tomorrow is my 18th BIRTHDAY after all …J .. !

P.S - Other birthday special posts will be coming up soon !

DARKNESS

FOR The Thursday poets rally week 30 hosted by jingle .. !

DARKNESS

The darkness within the darkness

A darkness in which i find easier

to find myself.......

and much easier too loose

what does not belong to me -

the things i hold on to .

it helps me to set my soul free

it redefines ..

unleashes the passion with in me

it gives me strength to take-off

the MASKS i wear ,

-A thousand masks ..

for no one can see me ..

i cannot see myself....

a strange comfort i find

in the anonymity ..

a sense of security is there

and the pain,

my pain, it passes into nothingness;

a beauty blinding or an ugliness unbearable

nothing matters ...

and nothing has a new meaning ..

only what is seen is the latent truth

which was hidden deep inside the layers..

Its gateway to an understanding

to an open minded impartiality.

for its the DARK,

and no one can see no one

no one is afraid

and the DARK is not just a darkness

its a gateway to a new understanding...!

................VIDDHI ARORA

life......

LIFE ~ on the other side of town...!

And here it begins ….. CHANDNI CHOWK …… practically not the other side of town ….thanks to Delhi metro ….now all it takes is 22 minutes….but yes there was a time when it took hours to reach there ….

So yes I went to chandni chowk for the first time……. It is one of the oldest and grandest markets in Delhi …. (No wonder it is called OLD DELHI) ….. And it’s a wonderful place ….it was built somewhere around in 1650’s... Yes the Mughal period ….and it was designed by Shahajahan’s daughter … Jahanahara Begum sahib.

The small dingy ill lit lanes...Super crowded street … it has temples .. Masjids …. gurudwaras … Big branded showrooms to small shacks……. from oldies to small kids …dirty rich business mans in big cars to thella walas …..People..more people…and people from all walks of life…and you practically find everything there…. Jewelery ..shoes …beautiful fancy saris ..glass bangles ….food…

things which is hard too find in today’s modern times and one thing particularly drew my attention and that was “parandis”…….

Damn! Where do you find parandis these days and there was a shop loaded with them…..colorful and beautiful .. J

And the architecture..Gawwwwd ..its amazing …old old and super old buildings …..Narrow lanes with shops stuffed on both sides…old havelis ….small shops big showrooms constructed probably during Shahajahan’s reign …..the fatehpuri masjid …Gauri Shankar temple… Gurudwara sis ganj …..and the town hall ..and what not …. Amazing …. Amazing … I have no words ….. ahhhhh..!!!!

And you know one thing about that seriously amazes me is that though the this place was constructed long ago …it still is alive…..when you go there .. see people running…. for what- I don’t know …every one’s in a hurry … I stood still and observed …. It was like every one was moving except for me as if I was not a part of that hustle bustle …I was a mere spectator ….not part of the RACE….. it was a very strange soothing feeling …observing people ..observing life…and when you actually see people you realize ..everyone’s fighting their own fight…with situations ..with life..they all have something in common….a feeling…a similar PAIN.. it’s all together a different feeling ….it makes me realize that there’s soo much in life that I haven’t seen … world is soo big …..it makes me happy….

Ohh…. I forgot to mention the SWEETS…… jalebi…imarti ..kulfi faluda……chandni chowk is famous for sweets…..YUMMMMYYYYYYY…….!!!!!!!!!

And yes at last the chandni chowk metro station….gawwwwdd….it is crowded as much as the market is…..long queue to get inside….. !!

tireddddddddd ..........heeheeee ! ... :)

BLAH_blah_BlAh !!

At times i think theres nothing to worry about ....at the other points it seems life is going in a hellish way ....

can things be more complicated.. ??

moving back and forth between doubt and faith ...i wish i could be more clear about the things .. a lot of things in life are changing practically everything ..perhaps too fast ....i am not able to deal with it ... right now i really need to have that sense of certainty ...but ..am messed up .... i don't know .... i don't have much to say :(

i feel lonely and sad ... i want to say a lot of things but somehow am not able to express....!

am waiting for things to change ...hoping too hard and somehow now i feel it is taking a toll on my sanity . i think i need to relax .. !

i hope tonight is a "good night"..!

Memory of a rose ..

some more poets rally and other blogger awards ... :)

HERE

by jingle ... thank you !

MEMORY OF A ROSE

Color of the rose changes ..

Red pink yellow...

all to dried brown one day ..

some got crushed ....

some got plucked ...

some just withered away with time

a strange nothingness remains

that reminds of the beauty

it once possessed

sweet smell that dissolutes

from reality and the cruelty

befallen upon the delicate being

of how it was crushed and plucked

the unsaid , unheard pain

but nature's rule it is ..

and they are meant to be

to give happiness when needed

to dissolute when in pain

to be everything when alive

and something yet nothing

after they have died .. !

...VIDDHI ARORA

SO , FINALLY !

official announcement~

~*V*~

is no longer just a "POETRY" blog ......

it will now have bits from my life ....bits of my imagination....bits of my thoughts .......

the change has been made in order to keep the blog alive ..since now i don't post all of my poetry ....and the need to be a li'l more expressive as some of my freinds complain ..... so here it is .....

~*V*~

so finally, changed...

the new, the better... :)

hopefully ... !

...........viddhi arora

THE ENDLESS WAIT...

THE ENDLESS WAIT...

Dark wintry night

too foggy outside

still she went

to the river bank....

Every night she awaits

his return...

or just a piece of word from him....

at very same place where he left her..

with promises of his return

she waits , she waits till the midnight..

till the time her lamps burn out

till the time her hopes die..

and then she goes back

with her heart full of pain

she stays up all night

remembering the old times

sitting in an empty room

where only her

longing to feel love lurks

loved by him ...

sometimes she cries

all the time she hides

her feelings and her true desires

she smiles through her pain

she smiles through her tears

she smiles and she laughs

as if nothing's wrong

all day long

for the one's she loves

and for the one's who love her

and as the night approaches

she revives her hope and

rekindle the fire...

and gathers all her

courage and strength

to go to the bank again

and go through the same old pain

Sometimes he sends a letter

some love wrapped in it

but somehow a strange pain

she feels ...

in the words of the letter sent

not her own

but of the one she loves

she tries to find

tries to search the reasons

of this never ending pain

but the search is always futile

because he is far far away ..thousands of mile..

sometimes all she wants to do is hold him tight

take all the pain away

sometimes she feels she lacks somewhere

and she feels he completes her

and for now and forever

all she wants is his happiness....

...........VIDDHI ARORA

just not my fairytale

AWARDS BY KARAN A ,THOUSIF AND JINGLE here ...thnx guys ... !

AWARDS BY JINGLE FOR POETS RALLY~ HERE

..thnx :)

just not my fairytale

(for the poets rally)

All this while i was with you

i know you were not true

and the n we both through

because the relation we had it failed

but in my heart i knew it wasn't my fairytale

because when i was in the dark

it lost its spark

and it was the time to see

how strong it was

and came to know it was weakest of all

because it withered away with a blow of wind

and i came to know it was a mistake

it was just not my fairytale

.....VIDDHI ARORA

AS I LAY DIEING~

AWARDS BY JINGLE AND WORDWAND ... thnx alot guys ... here

(for poets rally)

AS I LAY DIEING~

As i lay dieing

Four feet under the ground..

trying to grasp a piece of breadth

My hands shivering

searching for a clue

for some lost meanings

As i lay dieing

Four feet under the ground

All i could find is darkness

see is darkness

feel is darkness

and all i could think of

is the sinful night

when i agreed to be devil's bride

he casted an evil spell

instantly with him in love i fell

Not realizing that i was just a prey

caught by his sinister sight

As i lay dieing

four feet under the ground

madly in love with him

A love so true

In my heart i knew

My fairytale it was meant to be

but i knew nothing of

his devilish desires

and without thinking

i stepped into the fire

fire big enough to

burn me whole

engulf even deepest of my desire

My dreams my final destination

were supposed to be

Not this graveyard

where i lay dieing

four feet under the ground

searching what all this

was meant to be

trying to figure out

my feelings ...

what i lost and what i gained..

but all i find is

this strange emptiness

this darkness

AS i lay dieing

four feet under the ground

...VIDDHI ARORA

so much like love.....

(for the thursaday poets rally.....)

so much like love.....

I cannot leave you

Because I don’t hold the

Best of you …..

I cannot take you

Because I don’t take the

Rest of you …….

But somewhere I know

In some parts of my heart

We are one

But somewhere am

Scared too …..

I might have

Misread your mind …

May be your not

All mine …

I peered so into everything

That was yours ……

To search you out

Who are you..

In your heart….

You seem so good

too good to be true

and I believe you ..

and this Is what

scares me the most

when I think about you

I get lost …

And I cannot sleep …

I wish you could peep

Inside my heart

But it’s an art ..

And I don’t know whether

You are skilled or not …

This feeling is strange

But so much like love it is ...

I don’t know what you feel

How you feel …..

Sometimes I wonder

Would you be there..

Till the very end???

The question lingers in my mind ..

Day and night ..

Whose answer am not able to find..!!

.......VIDDHI ARORA

Untitled ....so random

from where it comes ...

to what extent it can go ...

i don't know...

this emptiness

this vacuum

and the gloom

i try dealing

with this feeling

but it never leaves

and love bereave

i stand here alone

feeling forlorn

i try to run

i try to escape

this dark despair...

delved in the depth inside

i realize how

shallow is the world outside

it scares me ...

for i have no one besides me

to hold me when i fall

all by myself i fight this battle

of strange people

of cruelty and injustice

i fight with my fears

deep inside i fight

with my insecurities

i fight with the one's i love

i fight for my dreams

i fight for myself

often i talk about

an undefined pain ......

pain ...my pain

unexplainable

born out of my despair

and the feeling

of being unloved

of being cheated on..

of expectations forced

upon me

time goes on ..

but the pain

refuses to fade..

refuses to go away....

.............VIDDHI ARORA

MY world...

MY world...

Almost ignoring real living

i live unconscious of stimulation

to a different world belongs my dwelling

this is not my world

not my place

though it has a pretty face

but it is not dear to me as my own

which is known to some

far beyond the oceans

under the same old blue sky

where my desires are

not afraid to fly

where my young dreams breath

where the darkness of the night

transforms my warmth into intensity

and the light of morning sun

fuels my passion

where me and my loneliness resides

which gives me strength to carry on

when that deep pain inside

takes hold of me

when my emotions controls me

when even a little pin prick hurts

MY WORLD ..it's in my dreams

in my reality

in the little birds chirping

in the squirrels playing

It is all around me

it is inside of me

yet it is far away

but why people ..they cannot see

they cannot feel

the way i do

why they say it is an illusion

of my imagination and reality

it is a fusion

they question its existence

they question my existence

for it belongs to me

its a part of me ...

they say am different

they ask questions

but my answers ..

they never satisfy...

now and forever I've

sealed my lips

for now i have no explanations

for their questions

...VIDDHI ARORA

birth of a bright day

I stay awake all night ,

and admire the beautiful moonlight.

The moon, it looks like a dream ,

just above the translucent blue stream .

companion of lonely hearts,

and a handful of stars.

The vast expanse of deep core blue,

awaits the spread of sun's red and golden hue .

and then just above the horizon sun rose,

with all the new hopes ,

with all the positivity and nothing to loath...

This is my beautiful morn ,

and this is how my bright day is born.

..............VIDDHI ARORA

untitled

A warm embrace ,

A passionate kiss

something that nobody wants to miss ,

A touch so different ,

a sensation that could awake

a thousand more senses

such is the true love

so cheerful so live

to insanity it can drive

no limits no boundaries

a night of lights

so wild so free

some teasing some caressing

and then taking to bed

to make love is what he said

more about heart and soul

less to do with body and mind

and soon you find

you din't realize

when love metaphorized into lust

All the feelings all the emotions

nothing but a strange desperation

The warm embrace turns

into a cold war of bodies

you give yourself whole

expecting love and honesty

but all you get is ignorance

and fallacy

and as the sun rise you try to

find him by your side

but all you find is

emptiness and betrayal

The touch the kiss

hugging and teasing

awakens your senses

No love but a feeling

of dirt , emptiness , impurity

and the realization

that making love was just having sex

is all that flourishes

It's love .....LOVE that has

the power to make you whore ...

....VIDDHI ARORA >.

THIS IS LIFE

Deepest of deep in my heart
fighting a fight
over whats wrong and whats right
my soul is torn into two
no matter whoever wins
eternal loss is mine .....

One is the one
hopelessly in love
Dreamer of dreams
sleeps at night
and dreams in day time

Other is the one
who has seen the world
faced the harsh realities
has fought has bruised
and has been hurt

In spite of all this
other still chirps and flirts
and knows no boundaries
only the depth of feelings
and is not afraid to dream
at night sees the stars and smiles
feels the breeze and blushes

But the other is always scared
scared of the darkness
scared of the night
for it brings with itself
a strange loneliness
so cold so dry
at this time the heart
longs for warmth of love inside
but it cannot forget
how cruel is the world outside ...
because it has been hurt
not once but twice
it wants to save the other
from breaking falling
and getting hurt and destroyed.

There was a time
they both were one
It was before i opened my eyes
before i saw the world
but they are far apart
one lives in reality
in this world
the other has created its own
the distances between
me and me stirs me
creates a havoc
a turmoil of emotions
inside of me
but still it cannot forget
that this is life
it must go on
for its a journey
never waits for anyone
now my dreams are not my destination
but a bitter reality
and i know am strong enough
to deal with it
to fight with it
and move on with it ...




..............VIDDHI ARORA