Wednesday, December 7, 2011

DID you ?

DID YOU NOTICE ? did you notice ? did you ?

the changed layout. i changed it a few days ago..

i was tired of the old look . it was too flashy! too complicated .. fonts colours background and what not !

Now I wonder how could i have such a bad taste?

but i like this one. BLACK - GREY - WHITE.

its simple and suave.

And this is for all the simple things in life which we tend to ignore, things that give more pleasure and are free. I hope everyone realises it as I did.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

*tears* looks away !

na koi umang hai , na koi tarang hia..
Meri zindagi hain kya, ek kati patang hai ...

EXAMSSS please goo awayyyyy!!

dukh ke badal chhat jaenge phir savera hoga.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


BIRTHDAY SPECIAL !!!! *claps* *whistles*

yayeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!

This birthday was really special.
I wasn't really excited. I wasn't very happy.
I even cried.
I was feeling a little lonely .. I decided to stay at home to.... but then in the morning I changed my mind.. I went to college.

As I entered the class everybody started wishing ... and the whole class sang happy birthday.. followed by innumerable hugs and kisses was amazing!
since it was my birthday me and few of my friends decided to bunk a lecture..
and then suddenly we planned to go to new Delhi railway station ..and travel in airport line metro and go to dhaula kuan ... and then to shankti niketan ... yay !
so we went there...we went to this awesome Chinese food joint called QD's ...we were 5 people .. and we had like 2 plates malai kebabs (they serve indian too)..2 plates honey chilli potato ..2 plates chilli chicken ..1 fried rice ..1 Singaporey noodles ..1 tandoori momos ..2 Manchurian ..and we finished it too...all of it .. and for 15minutes we couldn't move from our chairs..after that ..we sat on the footpath for a while... teased boys..yes...although our whistles were not audible.. i got to check out and whistle at the best of the lot. :D
We got high on water the and discussed stupid shit..planned a trip to Goa .. then we searched for alcohol to sober up.. but we couldn't find it ..(its an institutional area so lounges don't serve alcohol there) then we decided to go to cannaught place ..* COCO-BERRY!* took an auto ..sang katiya karooon .. jalebi bai ...and what not. and planned to buy few embassy s and bungalows of politicians etc..we were screaming all the way ! shouting ..out of control. We apologised to the auto walle bhaiya !
There in cp, I made the guy give us extra toppings for no extra cost. :D we were acting like retards . it was soo much fun. *sigh* I told him ..its my birthday and he has to give them .. then we started shouting please please please ! and he had to agree:)
After eating yoghurt we finally decided to go back home.. oh yes. on the way back i danced at the metro station.. and in the metro as well ! It was unexpected ..random and so much fun. I never had so much fun in my life.. I never thought I could have people who would do all this for me .. to make my day special.. I was really touched.

honestly ,I never gave them so much importance.. but then .. am *short of words*
(some feelings words can't define)

This birthday I learnt a lesson :-

To became a part of someone else's life , first you have to give them space in your's , you have to give them a part of you ... it becomes theirs and only then you can connect to them .

With me it was like .. I wanted to be a part of their life but I did not want them to give them that part of me which would connect us .. I was scared to give it to them..I was scared they would hurt me.. I thought they would not value it . they would just not like it .. I was just not ready to take that chance ... but its not like that. It's me not them.

I realize that .. I want to take that chance with people without being scared.. at least I want to try.

To Friendship. I hope there exist something like that :)

Sunday, October 9, 2011


LOVE.. we all need love.
what if it starts becoming an obsession , not love but the whole idea of love .

That's precisely what the movies .. Serials ..novels ...and to some extent a girls college does to you.
They make you fall in love with the idea of love , idea of perfection and perfect happy-ness .
You see your close friends celebrating anniversaries , saving money for gifts , receiving gifts. you see lovers getting united after much labor on the celluloid . It all makes you want that. its not jealousy or any ill feeling. It just makes you feel incomplete when you're not. (Hormones have a little role to play too).

I think that is what is happening with me, though a careful perusal is needed .

OK, talking About love. "all you need is love is all you need " Beatles too agree.

I am loved. I am downright spoilt for it but from the past few days i am feeling starved. I have people whom i can just go and hug , i lean in for a kiss , If they are far away i can just pick up my phone dail and say i love you ! scrible on their fb wall and let the whole world know i love them . I take chances with them , i just trust them and they never let me down .
Same with them .. if they ask for a hug ..i fly to them and hold them .. my mom calls me up in college and asks me to come home early because she misses me and she wants to talk i go running straight away into her arms .. my grandmom sometimes asks me to bunk college and stay at home with her and she'll let me to order pizza ..i do..i sleep till late then we watch T.V and chat... My dad still buys me choclates when am angry with him..sometimes a muffin.

I have everything.

BUT somehow i've been feeling starved of the feeling of being LOVED . I know i am loved , but still i need to be loved. and you know the worst part is i am scared when i am loved ..i am scared that i will hurt people , i am scared i will let them down..

If someone hurts me ..someone close ,then more than feeling sad or angry i feel scared that i will hurt someone someday , the same way.. some one dear.. someone i would never want to loose.

And then I shut myself from people. i don't let the people who are close to me reach out for me. and I who are not .. i don't let them make their place in my heart..

And then i can't get over the feeling of being incomplete too.

Lately , My best friend went to Bangalore and I miss her.. It's been long since I met the other one few days more than ! effing month :'(. I fell for a guy almost 2 yrs back and am waiting for him to fall for me.

but I have other friends ..who are there...who are loving and caring.. but these people carry a part of my heart and they are away .. I want to see them more often . Hug and kiss them more often . I want to stay together .. in a more tangible way...

The whole idea of perfection , of love or the idea of love. I want it to be perfect just like in movies ..the way friends stay together .. the way lovers unite .. am waiting for that LITERALLY.

But then they are my childhood friends .. come on man I love them .. and here's my love and I love him.. AND no one can take their place. but then... NO ONE!!

But I am not letting other people make their place in my heart.. as in a definite permanent place.

We all know no one will stay with you forever *in that tangible way* and still I wan't it the other way round, the perfect way....*I am sulking ughgh*

why ?


why the sadness ?
*the idea of love*
*of perfection*

is it ?

IDK *ughghghgh*

TO LOVE. I just hope its not an illusion.
AND the idea of love- I hope its true.

P.S - Birthday post -in the drafts , will soon follow.

Friday, October 7, 2011


Getting louder and louder
those distant cries
Ruin..their ruin is it ?
they are coming closer
I can't breathe.

I have seen worlds
different worlds
i hear the same cries
they are coming closer .
i feel scared.

Happiness is it so difficult ?
running people i see ,
to where i try to find ?
pain is all i see ..
all i feel ..everywhere...
rest, i cannot see.

Those cries are in me
they are not minr
but dwell in the insides
slowly ..
do they bring my ruin ?
I don't know.

Is this dark really dark ?
or just shadows of past .
shadows...are they really ?
or just illusions my mind creates
are they really mine?
I am lost.


Thursday, September 1, 2011


To :- Me , Sancha , our similiar situations and friendship .
beautiful rainy weather and Cannaught place.
being single and having no place to go on a mass bunk day.(when everyone meets their bf)
KFC zing Kong box and not being broke .

Life changes completely .We learn to smile at life's randomness and our silliness . somethings we let go , some we hold on to . The most important part is not to blame people but be thankful for the new person you are , all that you have learned and your present that is because of your past.

In the end we will realize whatever happened ..happened ! it was all a part of life ..when things happen too fast ..when your find it hard to understand it all ..just remember knowledge of somethings , the clarity and wisdom always comes in contemplation and retrospect . you just have to wait , let it happen and sometimes let go.

This is what i could make out of our conversation "that" day .
I've been meaning to post it for a very long time ..but couldn't due to unavoidable circumstances.

Saturday, August 13, 2011


Its not the end or never ending silence .

It is powerful.

It has the power to silence poeple when they say : " Money is everything . Money is life .. ethics, principles believes all these things comes later...and idealism , sacrifice,contentment are nothing but euphimisms for a person's inability to acquire wealth."

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

All that & etc.

"Cowards die many times before their deaths,
The valiant never taste of death but once,
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
it seems to me most strange that men should fear,
Seeing that death,a necessary end,
will come when it will come."

- Julius Cesar (Shakespeare)


Aren't you scared ?

of anything - death ?
- being broke ?
- losing someone you love ?
- loneliness ?
- unfulfilled dreams
- unhappiness , misery
- failure ?
- becoming fat , unattractive ?

NO ?

kidding me ?

NO ?

seriously ?
you are not human just a mass of flesh on the ground .
that's it.

Expectation is the root of all heartache .

- Shakespeare


don't you expect ?

anything - a favor in return of a favor?
-love in return for love?
-care in return for care ?
-to work hard from yourself

NO ?
nothing at all?
Aren't you the happiest man ?

My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep ; the more i give to thee , the more i have, for both are infinite.

-Romeo and Juliet (Shakespeare)


can you let go ?

-Something / Someone you've loved?
-and wanted to be loved by?
-is it that easy ?


Its not easy.

i can't think more.

All i want to say is that i am scared to lose what i love and cherish the most. i think everybody is ..all of us... because in the end there are things which are not in our hands. ..........they happen..we just lose people ... because of anything. I don't really expect things from other people .Its not easy..i can love unconditionally , i don't expect anything from them not even the same love and care..i think they are special for me because i can about them this way ..all i want them is to acknowledge it...but when they don't the relationship is reduced nothing .. it looses its meaning. It makes me sad

Monday, July 4, 2011


"mysterious overmastering is the power of fate,
From this, nor wealth nor force of arms
nor strong encircling city walls
nor storm tossed ship can give deliverance ."
-Sophocles (Antigone)

I am scared, not because am incapable but because so much is in destiny's hand.
Life and times change you. You start believing in things you never did.
But i know destiny and hard work go hand in hand ,
because its real life not a Greek tragedy!

on a happier NOTE :-

Here's my tattoo , in public for the first time , Since both my parents now know about it.(I told mom the same day i got it done. I told dad that its temporary. Since a lot of time has passed and it did not go away so dad is now used to it. He has resigned to the fact that his girl is a li'l out of control :P)

i got it done one 3rd December 2010

In the process.

First look.

After 2 days.

i really like it. Its simple and suave.
i thought of those Celtic art and anagrams and stuff ..did a lot research too but in the i know i wanted something that wouldn't look foolish when i grow old. something that doesn't match my personality. This fits the bill. hope you guys like it too.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


Nothing so dear as this nothing,
nothing yet everything..

Can words define what
heart can feel ?

Those unanswered questions
they don't mean anything .

When i know i have you for now.
future seems nothing.

i fear to loose you,
but i know it is on a journey .

From being nothing to everything,
one day it it will pass into nothing.

Tears and memories is all that will
be left.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

She moves about
in the thorny wilderness
she is running away
the path is long
almost never ending.
Thorns is what that passed her
Thorns are what that are laid in her way
Bruised bleeding she still runs
her voice echoes wildly
dismissed as a fit of delirium
by the flowers and the floss
the dark little nymphs
the soul of the sky ..
by soul of the era gone by
they sleep unperturbed
the truth only she tries to see
through the misty eyes
her vision is not clear
but her aims are
direction is lost
but not her determination
some say she will make it....
some say she won't
she never says a word..
only gazes at the peak
where she has to reach
but when she sees the height
the steep slopes
she gets scared
of falling , of failing
failing is not
the only scary thought
but fear of failure
scares too...


Friday, June 10, 2011

Dairy entry post :-D


viddhi dances the exam over dance yey!! :-D

finally over.
much relieved and happy.

i went to Nizams,C.p... today for a friends pending birthday Treat.

i still think khan chacha is better.

came home ..met more friends....

tomorow i meet Prerna , Arpit and Ayush.

Me and Ayush are friends again .
i thought i was being overly prejudiced and i realized my vanity needs a check sometimes.

i will loose weight and read more in the days to come. write more too.

From tomorrow i will start jogging, not WALKING, jogging.

thats all for now bi !
good night.

Friday, May 27, 2011



Whatever happens happens for a reason. Is it always like that ?

Can't somethings happen just like that ?

can't we just grow over them . Forget them ?

Just let them go .

And pretend it never happened .

Is God going to teach me another lesson ?
or a deep desire , a dream , a wish is going to come true ?

I don't want a lesson i've had plenty.
I am a changed young woman.(can he *God*see?)
I just want some wishes to come true.

P.S:- i will post something better soon.

Monday, May 23, 2011

my favorite quotes


from Kafka on the Shore

"Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart."

"Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time."

"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

from What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."

from Norwegian Wood

"But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives."

from Sputnik Sweetheart

Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?"

by Paulo Coelho

from The Alchemist

People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."
— Paulo Coelho

"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving."

"There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure."

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."

from Eleven Minutes
"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering."

"Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn't have the courage to say "yes" to life?"

"Passion makes a person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it demolishes all the old things it finds in its path.

No one wants their life thrown into chaos. That is why a lot of people keep that threat under control, and are somehow capable of sustaining a house or a structure that is already rotten. They are the engineers of the superseded.

Other people think exactly the opposite: they surrender themselves without a second thought, hoping to find in passion the solutions to all their problems. They make the other person responsible for their happiness and blame them for their possible unhappiness. They are either euphoric because something marvelous has happened or depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything.

Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?

I don't know."

from the zahir
"When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive."

from The Witch of Portobello

"You are what you believe yourself to be."

from Brida
"When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way."

"Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."

"Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle."

"We pretend to be strong because we are weak."

by Amitav Ghosh
from shadow lines

"they all lived in stories, because stories are all there are to live in, it was just a question of which one you chose. .

A lot of them i haven't written and some i might have missed.... i like to read them over and over..they make me feel better.
my condition is better i think..better than it was before my emotional outburst... i feel like i am recovering from an illness.
i am trying. trying to be happy, to be positive.
my two exams went good. it makes me feel better.
and Arpit, thousif , Ankit bhaiya.. thanks for your support i really appreciate it. Thanks a lot ! :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

because i find it hard to understand myself

my pc's not working first post from my phone.....

I don't understand what is happening to me. I am clueless.
I feel miserably sad i dont have a reason to be happy.
i feel lonely i feel like talking to someone ...hence this post.
I am miserably in love with my ex .. I want him back..he says he still loves me sometimes when he's drunk..we are very good frnds..i never asked him if he really means it when hes sober..i dnt want to loose him..but i sometimes feel i should get over it.. But i want him .... I feel trapped..i dont find a way out.

I have a frnd my childhood best frnd ...shes like a younger sister to me..i know everything about her but she doesnt i dont like the idea looks as if i am hiding my real self ..but theres so much i dont know how to tell her.... She'll be mad at me ... Or i dnt knw how is she going to react was just that she was always busy with her own problems ..she always had her own issues..i did not wnt to burden her with mine.... i dnt know whether ill be telling her or not. I cannot decide.

I have an exam tomm...m really worried what m going to do..i cant sleep with all this shit going on in my head

I am missing my ex...i know he doesn't really care

I feel like drinking alcohol sleeping and not waking morow in the morn

I sometimes feel scared ..i might became an alcoholic

Sometimes i feel like running away from all this
I doubt even after getting all this will i be happy ? Or even running away will? i dont know.

I sometimes think i am running after tthings for no reasons. I want a migration from my college to another...for that a higher percentage...i am overstressing myself ...

I wish people loved me and care about me the way i want them to.....

But sometimes am just glad that they love me...

No matter how much i grow up ...i will always be a mummas girl. I still hug her and tell her that i love you three times a day ..
She's the best .

I wish i could care less , think less and be more forgiving and let go of things easily.. I wish i sulked less.

I sometimes dont like myself. Sometimes i really like myself. I sometimes like to act like a bitch but i genuinely believe am a nice girl.

I have a tattoo just below my nape says BELIEVE..its simple its beautiful ...i love it.
I wish i did not suck at saying thank you.

I wish i could love people ...some people whom i ought to love ...inspite of all that they did to me or i think they did to me.

Monday, April 18, 2011


troubled mind
who are we ?
what are we ?
me , you ..
what is all this ?
where are all meanings?
peace , truth, honesty ...
mere words .

troubled eyes.
how can we see?
whatever mind creates .
mirage of thoughts .
collage of images .
what it really is ?
can we just let ourselves get deceived ?
love , beauty , art ..
mere words.


Thursday, February 24, 2011

No, i don't want to be a queen..
i don't want to rule ,
all i need is a world of my own .

where ,i can go steal the ink,
write my own dreams
and carve my reality out of them.

No, i don't want a life
without shallows and miseries ,
all i need is the courage to carry on.

which never lets me put myself down
helps me to move on ,
and saves me from myself .

No, not that i don't want to live
but death has seized to scare me
all i need is someone to make me believe .

that makes me stronger
helps me survive
and tells me that there is someone loving me .
...Viddhi Arora


Tuesday, February 1, 2011



Dark and light
two phases of life
none of them lasts forever
they come and go
dawn full of hopes
a dreamers delight
but dusk is just a lonely sight
The last rays of sun gives way
to darkness of the night
hearts may break
dreams may shatter
in sleepless eyes
but in the end its a part of life
it goes on
be strong be careful
its a long journey , a long way
some thorns you may not see
some devils in disguise
you may not recognize
pain of your heart -always hide
for everyone has to fight their own fight
night is not the time
to find lost the lost meanings ..
for darkness lets
no one find its way easily
give someone some love
rest they suck out on their own
cold and empty
feeling in heart
and some efforts
to build yourself again
suddenly that past comes in your way
to scare ..belittle you
try and believe in yourself
try to embrace that first ray of sunlight
the ray of hope
initially it will hurt
but don't be scared
just believe
that you can stand again
don't stop ..just believe
for its just a passing phase
and sooner or later it will pass.


p.s :- my last post was my 50th post YEY ! congratulate me :P