Monday, May 16, 2011

because i find it hard to understand myself

my pc's not working ....my first post from my phone.....

I don't understand what is happening to me. I am clueless.
I feel miserably sad i dont have a reason to be happy.
i feel lonely i feel like talking to someone ...hence this post.
I am miserably in love with my ex .. I want him back..he says he still loves me sometimes when he's drunk..we are very good frnds..i never asked him if he really means it when hes sober..i dnt want to loose him..but i sometimes feel i should get over it.. But i want him .... I feel trapped..i dont find a way out.

I have a frnd my childhood best frnd ...shes like a younger sister to me..i know everything about her but she doesnt ...now i dont like the idea ..it looks as if i am hiding my real self ..but theres so much i dont know how to tell her.... She'll be mad at me ... Or i dnt knw how is she going to react ...it was just that she was always busy with her own problems ..she always had her own issues..i did not wnt to burden her with mine.... i dnt know whether ill be telling her or not. I cannot decide.

I have an exam tomm...m really worried what m going to do..i cant sleep with all this shit going on in my head

I am missing my ex...i know he doesn't really care

I feel like drinking alcohol sleeping and not waking morow in the morn

I sometimes feel scared ..i might became an alcoholic

Sometimes i feel like running away from all this
I doubt even after getting all this will i be happy ? Or even running away will? i dont know.

I sometimes think i am running after tthings for no reasons. I want a migration from my college to another...for that a higher percentage...i am overstressing myself ...

I wish people loved me and care about me the way i want them to.....

But sometimes am just glad that they love me...

No matter how much i grow up ...i will always be a mummas girl. I still hug her and tell her that i love you three times a day ..
She's the best .

I wish i could care less , think less and be more forgiving and let go of things easily.. I wish i sulked less.

I sometimes dont like myself. Sometimes i really like myself. I sometimes like to act like a bitch but i genuinely believe am a nice girl.

I have a tattoo just below my nape ..it says BELIEVE..its simple its beautiful ...i love it.
I wish i did not suck at saying thank you.

I wish i could love people ...some people whom i ought to love ...inspite of all that they did to me or i think they did to me.

4 comments:

Arpit Rastogi said...

Whoa.. Hold On a second Lady Devdas!

What the fuck is this han??

See, i don't know about the love thing coz even i dint find a way out for that matter..
But for everything else, You don't need to worry about..

Talk to you friend..
Jab tu use apni problems batayegi to wo tujhe samjhayegi that way she will act mature.. tujhe advice degi to uske apne issues kam ho jayenge!!
It will be good for both of you..
Sachi.. :D


I wont say don't drink nahi to next time you will taunt the same on my drunkard post..
so I'll just say,
Drink responsibly..

& i won't say any philosophical shit here..
I ll just say stay alive!!! :P

Take Good Care! :)

Keep Writing.. :)

Thousif Raza said...

life is a struggle viddhi, life is a huge struggle, but sometimes when we fight through all the problems and frustrations and every bad thing, it will turn out to be good...

let me tell you, you love him very much rgt, n ur great frenz, then try to convey the msg, i am not saying mushy stuff and all, just be there for him when he really needs you, giving all the support u can, that will make him and u satisfied, i know its not enough..

but i believe something is better than nothing, say subtly how you feel abt him, think it as starting over, instead of he reaching out to you, you are reaching out to him... love takes work, dont think you are alone... you have love by ur side... so it will make you stronger... dont think it as a hinderence, think it as ur greatest strength, n it will help you... trust me

for exams and rest.. viddhi you are strong... dont surrender yourself, to a vicious thing such as alcohol and drugs... running away from a problem is easier than working at it to make it better...
so stay strong, love the persons who love u, frenz family everyone, try to find the happiness you've lost from ur bf in others ... the persons who truly love u for who you are... n trust me life will be better... much better...

i hope i helped :)... hope you feel better n smile soooooonnn...


take care and keep writing...

i miss the old bubbly viddhi... bring her back soon :)... cu soon... :)

Ankit said...

This post is worrying me !!!

can't say much coz the two people above me have said and i have nothing much to say more than that !!

I agree with both of you Thousif and Rasto to some extent !!!

Have been through this phase in life,
But trust me dnt rely on alcohol coz it won't do much good !!

Just go and fight !!

I wnt suggest you the same but when I face a tough situation,
I simply take a deep breath,
give a deep thought once writing it down with positives and negatives and finally make a decision,
and execute it,
after that i dnt look back to judge my decision and respect it !!

Only remember,
at times you have to be selfish
coz people dnt usually acknowledge the good you do to them !!

Just try,
see if it helps !!

and as Thousif said we are really missing the old bubbly Viddhi !!!

Come back soon in our true form !!

Happy Blogging and take care !!

SF-1 said...

I don't have any advice or solutions to your problems. You have to find it on your own.

Believe in yourself !!!

By the way, typing so much from your phone is tough unless you have an iPhone or iPad..... ;-)