because i find it hard to understand myself

my pc's not working ....my first post from my phone.....

I don't understand what is happening to me. I am clueless.
I feel miserably sad i dont have a reason to be happy.
i feel lonely i feel like talking to someone ...hence this post.
I am miserably in love with my ex .. I want him back..he says he still loves me sometimes when he's drunk..we are very good frnds..i never asked him if he really means it when hes sober..i dnt want to loose him..but i sometimes feel i should get over it.. But i want him .... I feel trapped..i dont find a way out.

I have a frnd my childhood best frnd ...shes like a younger sister to me..i know everything about her but she doesnt ...now i dont like the idea ..it looks as if i am hiding my real self ..but theres so much i dont know how to tell her.... She'll be mad at me ... Or i dnt knw how is she going to react ...it was just that she was always busy with her own problems ..she always had her own issues..i did not wnt to burden her with mine.... i dnt know whether ill be telling her or not. I cannot decide.

I have an exam tomm...m really worried what m going to do..i cant sleep with all this shit going on in my head

I am missing my ex...i know he doesn't really care

I feel like drinking alcohol sleeping and not waking morow in the morn

I sometimes feel scared ..i might became an alcoholic

Sometimes i feel like running away from all this
I doubt even after getting all this will i be happy ? Or even running away will? i dont know.

I sometimes think i am running after tthings for no reasons. I want a migration from my college to another...for that a higher percentage...i am overstressing myself ...

I wish people loved me and care about me the way i want them to.....

But sometimes am just glad that they love me...

No matter how much i grow up ...i will always be a mummas girl. I still hug her and tell her that i love you three times a day ..
She's the best .

I wish i could care less , think less and be more forgiving and let go of things easily.. I wish i sulked less.

I sometimes dont like myself. Sometimes i really like myself. I sometimes like to act like a bitch but i genuinely believe am a nice girl.

I have a tattoo just below my nape ..it says BELIEVE..its simple its beautiful ...i love it.
I wish i did not suck at saying thank you.

I wish i could love people ...some people whom i ought to love ...inspite of all that they did to me or i think they did to me.

LOST

LOST !!!!!!$

lost somewhere,
i don't know where ,
sometime the night seems silent and musical .
sometimes the darkness looks like.
shadows of past falling over me,
sometimes i wonder .........
is that the love i see in your eyes,
or a mere reflection of mine .
sometimes why its so hard to believe ,
when someone says I LOVE YOU .
why some times the broken heart ,
wants to love even with .
with the small pieces left .
sometimes i ask my self .
does loving someone means ,
sitting beside them .
but you cant have them .

VIDDHI ARORA

MY PAIN

MY PAIN ............

I stand alone ,
as no soul sees me ......
i look at memories that last ;
through the window of past .
those moments are lived by me .
feel locked in room for which lost is the key .
trapped in joys and sorrows;
that have no tomorrow.
think i failed in all walks of life .....
i feel i fall on the sharp knife of reality.
i bleed and i die
Every time i try;
i hurt and i cry..
but no one's able to see my pain .
when all my efforts go in vain.
but still i smile and i hope for a better tomorrow.
but that doesn't mean there is lack of sorrow .
All doors of happiness closed one after the other or ;
have i been looking at the closed one for sooo long ,
that never saw the one opened .

.... VIDDHI ARORA

THE REASON WHY?

THE REASON WHY?

I love the sky deep core blue
silent peaceful and musical
often i try to find the reason why ?
i feel a strange happiness with in
a happiness which is soo pure
i often try to find the reason why ?


i love sun shining bright
with a message rise and shine
often i try to find the reason why ?
i feel a strange excitement with in
an excitement which is soo motivating
i often try to find the reason why ?
i feel i have so many questions inside
often i try to find the reason why ?
one day i found the reason why ...
the answer is with in me
i feel strange happiness with in
i know the reason why ?

this is wat or that life is beautiful
there things which makes it wonderful
and worth living & i know the reason why ?
i did something
with out thinking , i regret
it made me feel bad and sad
but now i dont .....
bcoz it once made me smile
it toook a while
to understand the reason why ?
..............VIDDHI ARORA

LONELINESS

LONELINESS
life full of loneliness
lonliness that kills
everday i bleed i die everyday
everyday i pray
to take this pain away
how many times can i die
how many times can i break inside
It has taken years to realise
that world is not a picture perfect
and nothing stays the same
and no one is to blame
time goes on life goes on
and i am no coward soul
can stand against the foul
can face the chalenge
chalenge to be my self without selfishness
inspite of the lonelyness
...............VIDDHI ARORA