Before i turn 18

before i turn 18

A note of Apology...

From the past few days I’ve been thinking ……about a lot of things...and a lot of people and I realized that I have been rude , bad ,sarcastic and I hurt a lot people sometimes intentionally some times unintentionally …..

I sincerely would like to apologize to all the people whom I have hurt….intentionally / unintentionally especially the one’s I love or I loved..Or I don’t love …..

I never wanted to …but sometimes am not able to handle certain situations and I can be a little troublesome….

I hope at least some of them read this and should know that I realize – that I have made some mistakes ..i have hurt a lot people and I have been a real bad girl (not all the time though !)

I know those words can’t be taken back or those deeds can’t be undone but yes I can be forgiven for now I realize my mistakes…..

So this was the best time to say that am Sorry and also - that yes i truly care ! ... tomorrow is my 18th BIRTHDAY after all …J .. !

P.S - Other birthday special posts will be coming up soon !

DARKNESS

FOR The Thursday poets rally week 30 hosted by jingle .. !

DARKNESS

The darkness within the darkness

A darkness in which i find easier

to find myself.......

and much easier too loose

what does not belong to me -

the things i hold on to .

it helps me to set my soul free

it redefines ..

unleashes the passion with in me

it gives me strength to take-off

the MASKS i wear ,

-A thousand masks ..

for no one can see me ..

i cannot see myself....

a strange comfort i find

in the anonymity ..

a sense of security is there

and the pain,

my pain, it passes into nothingness;

a beauty blinding or an ugliness unbearable

nothing matters ...

and nothing has a new meaning ..

only what is seen is the latent truth

which was hidden deep inside the layers..

Its gateway to an understanding

to an open minded impartiality.

for its the DARK,

and no one can see no one

no one is afraid

and the DARK is not just a darkness

its a gateway to a new understanding...!

................VIDDHI ARORA

life......

LIFE ~ on the other side of town...!

And here it begins ….. CHANDNI CHOWK …… practically not the other side of town ….thanks to Delhi metro ….now all it takes is 22 minutes….but yes there was a time when it took hours to reach there ….

So yes I went to chandni chowk for the first time……. It is one of the oldest and grandest markets in Delhi …. (No wonder it is called OLD DELHI) ….. And it’s a wonderful place ….it was built somewhere around in 1650’s... Yes the Mughal period ….and it was designed by Shahajahan’s daughter … Jahanahara Begum sahib.

The small dingy ill lit lanes...Super crowded street … it has temples .. Masjids …. gurudwaras … Big branded showrooms to small shacks……. from oldies to small kids …dirty rich business mans in big cars to thella walas …..People..more people…and people from all walks of life…and you practically find everything there…. Jewelery ..shoes …beautiful fancy saris ..glass bangles ….food…

things which is hard too find in today’s modern times and one thing particularly drew my attention and that was “parandis”…….

Damn! Where do you find parandis these days and there was a shop loaded with them…..colorful and beautiful .. J

And the architecture..Gawwwwd ..its amazing …old old and super old buildings …..Narrow lanes with shops stuffed on both sides…old havelis ….small shops big showrooms constructed probably during Shahajahan’s reign …..the fatehpuri masjid …Gauri Shankar temple… Gurudwara sis ganj …..and the town hall ..and what not …. Amazing …. Amazing … I have no words ….. ahhhhh..!!!!

And you know one thing about that seriously amazes me is that though the this place was constructed long ago …it still is alive…..when you go there .. see people running…. for what- I don’t know …every one’s in a hurry … I stood still and observed …. It was like every one was moving except for me as if I was not a part of that hustle bustle …I was a mere spectator ….not part of the RACE….. it was a very strange soothing feeling …observing people ..observing life…and when you actually see people you realize ..everyone’s fighting their own fight…with situations ..with life..they all have something in common….a feeling…a similar PAIN.. it’s all together a different feeling ….it makes me realize that there’s soo much in life that I haven’t seen … world is soo big …..it makes me happy….

Ohh…. I forgot to mention the SWEETS…… jalebi…imarti ..kulfi faluda……chandni chowk is famous for sweets…..YUMMMMYYYYYYY…….!!!!!!!!!

And yes at last the chandni chowk metro station….gawwwwdd….it is crowded as much as the market is…..long queue to get inside….. !!

tireddddddddd ..........heeheeee ! ... :)

BLAH_blah_BlAh !!

At times i think theres nothing to worry about ....at the other points it seems life is going in a hellish way ....

can things be more complicated.. ??

moving back and forth between doubt and faith ...i wish i could be more clear about the things .. a lot of things in life are changing practically everything ..perhaps too fast ....i am not able to deal with it ... right now i really need to have that sense of certainty ...but ..am messed up .... i don't know .... i don't have much to say :(

i feel lonely and sad ... i want to say a lot of things but somehow am not able to express....!

am waiting for things to change ...hoping too hard and somehow now i feel it is taking a toll on my sanity . i think i need to relax .. !

i hope tonight is a "good night"..!